November 4th was my half birthday. I like my half birthday, because it seems to me that it is just as impressive that I am still alive even 6 months later.
I also like to use it as a point to look back and ask myself, "What did I spend my time on in the first half of this year in my life? Can I even remember? What should I do with the rest?"
I reflected on the thoughts that are most prevalent in my mind now, at 20.5 years old. Though they be childish or overly simplistic, here they are.
* People are hypocrites, and that will be constantly evident throughout life. But don't go around believing that you are exempt from this. You too are a hypocrite. But God forgives you and loves you, and asks that you forgive and love everyone else.
* I never have to apologize for being as nerdy, smart, dumb, needy, sappy, lonely, sad, or joyful as I am. These are simply states of being, and if they bother other people, it really says nothing about me.
* There are far more people in the world than I ever believed who are like me and who understand me.
* I have trypophobia, which is actually pretty common
* There is a certain sick pleasure in being sad all of the time, and in being a constant state of near-tears.
* First love does not necessarily equal true love. Nor does the one whom it seems you "belong" with and are "destined to be" with necessarily mean that they are the one you should or want to be with.
* I don't believe that anyone will ever love me better than they love anyone else. And yet I have faith that I will be proven wrong.
* If the previous statement seems contradictory, that is because I believe that people can love and hate someone, believe and not believe something, both know and not know, agree and disagree, and every other contradiction in the book. We are more complex beings than even we think.
* I am finally learning what it is like to be confident enough to question everything I believe.
* In the end, people will always have much more control over you than you want to believe they do.
* After being stuck in one place, doing something that I didn't like (but knew was a good thing), it was finally exactly where I needed to be. God puts us where we need to be... but not on our time table.
* I think there is so much that we don't understand simply because humans, as wonderful and complex as we are, simply are unable to completely open their minds to understanding.
* In a world where people are split into Valjeans and Javerts, I would be a Javert.
* In that same vein: I am so much more dichotomous and judgmental than I want to believe I am.
* And lastly, just a thought & a reminder... some things are enjoyable only in retrospect.
Let's see what sort of wisdom 20.5 - 21.0 holds.